This past weekend I attended the services held for Matthew Lyzen, the young man I had previously spoken about here on the blog. The service was held at a Catholic church, and although I realize I have taken many quotes from the bible here on this blog, I was never raised in strict religion. I always did, however, pursue religious truths.
On the way to the service I was thinking to myself how I would be there alone. I most likely wouldn't know anyone and my mind went back to people in the past who had abandon me or betrayed me. I couldn't help to think of Jesus and how he must have felt after he died on the cross. Everyone betrayed him. Was he sitting there after he died saying "Man. I can't believe all that I did for those people. All I gave and tried to teach and they stab me in the back. Literally. Hung me on a cross. I had no one I could trust."
In my mind with my own personal struggles of letting go of the people who hurt me the most it was hard to find the prospective Jesus must have taken.
Like most things in my life, nothing I think or come upon is by accident or without "spirit" entering into the mix. I arrived feeling Matthew's presence and actually ran into a woman from a suicide prevention organization that Matthew says he is willing to help with. A beautiful blessing from a tragic event.
When services started the priest began talking about betrayal. The exact story I was contemplating in my mind about the disciples betraying Jesus the priest began to talk about. Coincidence? I think not. He started with the fact that the disciples had betrayed Jesus. But if we remember, Jesus came back after he died. (Kind of like Matthew and Michael and Elizabeth . . well you get the point.) So what do you think went through the disciples minds when Jesus came back and into the room where they sat? "Holy *@" is what I was thinking. Yet the priest went on to explain how it was in the wisdom and love of Jesus that he forgave even those who so brutally betrayed him. For if he didn't, he would have carried the betrayal "within him".
Carrying betrayal, hatred and bitterness inside of us blocks the flow of love through our own hearts. It makes it difficult to experience God's love for ourselves and others. Unforgiveness can cause depression and many people hide from the hurt because sometimes it's just too painful. Sometimes we are hurt by the ones that are closest to us or have wounds from our childhood. The lashing out of the ones we have trusted at our most vulnerable times in our lives leaves us bitter, angry and feeling broken.
Yet these are the hurts that we carry that can also be healed. It is the most hurt among us, like Jesus, that have the most power to heal ourselves and in turn, others. We know what it's like to be hurt. The blessing bestowed by hurt is our capacity for compassion for others. We already know the pain we experienced ourselves. Compassion for others then is natural.
Forgiveness is a part of our healing. It doesn't mean that we condone what was done to us. It means we refuse to succumb to carrying around the negative energy associated with the hurtful event. What someone has done to us is their sin, not ours. We should not be made to carry it. What they have done to someone else, they have already done to themselves. Letting the light of the father in and shine through your own heart not only lifts us from the burden of unforgiveness but the realization that we have all made mistakes and will continue to do so. Pray for those that have hurt you as you pray for yourself. Knowing how you may have hurt others. Knowing or unknowingly, it all is made manifest somewhere at sometime.
Pray for the person that has hurt you. Ask God to forgive them. List every hurt that has been caused by them. Ask God to forgive this person because they did not know what they were doing, they did not know how much pain it would cause. Just as Jesus hanging upon the cross in agony looked down on the people murdering Him and said "Father forgive them. For they know not what they do."
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