Projection can sometimes be seen from the Buddhist's point of view, that nothing is "out there". That everything comes from "us". It is the thinking that whatever our thoughts are is how we view our world.
Yesterday I experienced an example of a type of projection from one of my young sons. We sat at the dinner table and he told me that I made him feel badly. He said I was angry towards him and it made him angry when I told him to do something like take a shower.
I was baffled. In my mind I rarely get angry with my children, and when I say take a shower, it's only because I've noticed they haven't and it's almost bedtime.
After some careful probing and conversation, I began to hear some of the same repeated words: "You think I'm irresponsible." Again, I was baffled. Where did that come from? It wasn't from me. It was at that point I knew the words he had heard from someone else were being "projected" onto me.
I never have thought of either of my children as irresponsible. Matter of fact I'm very proud of them both and can't really take credit. They are much smarter, brighter and more intelligent than me by far. Yet someone had told my child he was irresponsible and he had internalized it into a belief for himself. He thought everyone thought he was irresponsible and it made him angry.
When this happens you can ask the person and most of the time the person accusing you of the wrong doing has no idea what they are doing. In their mind it's true. It is what they already believe.
It's the boyfriend that accuses the new girlfriend of cheating because the last one did, or the wife who thinks her husband thinks she's fat because her father called her fat when she was a child.
These are those patterns of behavior and beliefs that are so silent, but that can be so deadly to us as adults, and especially as children, formulating our thoughts and beliefs for the rest of our lives.
I could see my sons face as I repeatedly asked him who had made that statement to him. Why he believed he was irresponsible and more over, was it true? After some time of inner reflection he finally came out with it. It was his second grade teacher who called him irresponsible. He is now in the sixth grade. Her words registered within him deeply years ago and now that's how he saw himself and thought others saw him too.
Acknowledging where our thoughts and beliefs come from is like finding a weed that's been choking out our garden. Once you find it you can begin to extract it and start cultivating new, more supporting thoughts and beliefs that support a healthier, more productive and fulfilling life.
Don't ever let anyone else's words about you become your own beliefs. At the end of the day, it is we who define ourselves and only we based on what we "choose" to believe. Choose wisely and in a consistent and beneficial way that inspires your life. No one has the authority over our mind but ourselves.
