Many of us have pasts that have damaged us. Some even without knowing it. Yet there remains hurts, past wounds and scars from loved ones, parents and those who have alienated us. We often hear phrases like "that's life", or "join the club", but phrases like that don't heal the wounds, don't make us feel better and don't pave the road for a successful and happy life. We often take our wounds with us, holding them tightly, acting as though we are damaged goods.
Many of you as you read this may remember a friend telling you their story. Their father walked out on them when they were six, they were sexually abused, they were abandoned by both parents, their ex cheated on them, and the list goes on and on. Often times we place the mistreatment inside of us. Somehow accepting blame for the actions, or in actions of the other. We are damaged then. Hurt, confused, and afraid to step out into the light again for fear we will be hit yet again by another lash of the whip.
But damaged people damage other people. Many may even justify it. "My father beat me and I'm OK" or even "My ex cheated on me so I'm going to cheat on you.". Two wrongs, however, never make a right and until we learn to fix our own damage we will continue to damage those around us. Most often justifying the act by our past experience.
I've had the opportunity to sit with Mr Mandela of late and asked him how it was that he was able to overcome the horrid things they did to him to reconcile with his foes for an ending of apartheid in his country. The idea still amazes me. Can you imagine sitting down with someone who beat you, tortured you, who tried to intimidate you and jailed you for years? Wouldn't have it been easier for him NOT to do anything then withstand all that abuse?
His answer was simple. When you are focused and committed to a cause you don't act as if you are damaged goods, you are not. You are only the recipient of the mistreatment. It's cause is behind the perpetrator, not you. Sometimes it's fear, sometimes anger, but it is always behind those that have dealt it. You must commit to your purpose. If you want to live a better life you must commit to a better life and not waiver. Change is painful. Yet if I say I want to change and then stop half way, nothing is achieved. The birthing of a baby cannot be stopped half way and if you do, why go through any pain to begin with?
The bottom line is this; You can never build a successful future you would like by always looking behind you. You must look forward with purpose, and a clear vision of what you would like to see.
We all have the power to release ourselves from our own personal prisons. It's in the choosing to do so that also has the power to begin to release us all. A valuable lesson from one who knew it all too well. Thank you Mr Mandela for committing yourself to having the power to change. .
