A good friend recently wrote me about a suicide note Kurt Cobain wrote before he died. It was addressed to "Boddah" his imaginary friend. I too had an imaginary friend growing up. Or at least I thought. It turned out to be Michael Jackson. There is a space inside of us all that is connected to a greater, grander source from which we came. Should we turn our attention within long enough, we become sensitive to our connections. Our thoughts and emotions can be heard and felt and a sense of profound connectivity begins to shape our beliefs and lives.
We live in a three dimensional world. A world which has taught us that money, fame, and the things that are "outside" of ourselves are the things that "should" make us happy. When you read this letter below, you'll find that Kurt Cobain had all these things. The one thing he was missing was within him the whole time. He just failed to see it because humanity failed to point it out. This is what the Man in the Mirror PROJECT is all about. Finding your authentic self. For when you do, your entire universe will change and you'll begin to notice it's not just your man you see in the mirror, it's me too.
To Boddah
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.
All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guity beyond words about these things.
For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do,God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.
On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!
I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.
I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.
Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.
Peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain
Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!
2 comments:
Hi. Debbie. What a sad way for Kurt to have ended his life at his own volition!
The perception on the issue of suicide is quite varied in the Christian western world, depending highly on what background is passed on from parents to children.
In 1995 we were fortunate to have been given an understanding of what or what not might happen to people who terminate their own life at will. I quote for the benefit of your readers the question I asked at the time, followed by the answer from the highly-evolved society of the Mancharians:
Reni: As these spirits arrive on the other side, how are they being dealt with? What is their inheritance or better, the consequence of their action? And how do you view suicide?
Mancharians: How we view suicide, to begin with, is neither here nor there, for again this reigns within the domain or realm of that individual consciousness.
When the individual consciousness goes back into the "astral plane" or the "diva chan," hereby referred to as the dimensions or place of inhabitations of the angels, that soul then does face himself with the help of hierarchy or rather, evolved personalities, in order to see exactly the negative and the positive qualities, the lessons which had been learned and those which would seemingly prove too difficult at that time on the journey.
Perhaps that individual took a side road off of the straight and narrow, as you would put it, and got rather caught in the thicks and the thorns of the bushes, much as a wild animal in a trap, therefore unable to pull itself free. It might bite its leg off. So it is with individuals "biting" or "cutting the life cord" from itself.
Reni: I suppose the issue then is being brought before the Karmic Board, just like with any other human being arriving there. Am I correct?
Mancharians: This is correct, but you must remember the Karmic Board is not a board of judging. It is a board of redeeming the goodness and the good qualities as well as the negative, and how the individual can work with them from there.
Advice is given for that individual, and perhaps the individual may choose for a short stay, for a short redemption place of for a peace for the soul, or choose to go to a school of "greater learning," to better help the individual upon its returning into the Earth plane through the birthing process again, to conduct and have a retry at its efforts.
It is important, we feel, to elaborate just one more time, that the difference between our category of understanding of your dictionary words such as "judgment" and "condemnation," there are neither here, neither, what you would call the "Karmic Board" or "Successors" judge or condemn an entity within its growth or process of upward journey.
We're here to "lend a hand," so to speak, and to help that entity to recognize its strengths as well as its weaknesses, much as you would do to a child in your schools. If the child was strong in the counting process and weak in the linguistic banks, would you judge and prosecute and condemn that child?
Or would you rather hire a tutor and give the child another chance, and another, until that child is brought up to standards of its own choosing and working at until it had "pulled its socks up," so to speak? And then wouldn't you be so proud?
Reni: Indeed!
Very nice entry Reni. Thank you for sharing! :)
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