I've never been very good at expressing my deepest feelings for anyone, let alone posting them on a blog about a pop star. I've shared many things here and in the book that I could have at one time never imagined I would. My hope has always been that if I was vulnerable enough and simply stated the truth it would touch the hearts of others feeling and going through similar circumstances. We all have a story and as we live them we can touch one another by sharing ours. It's not only a very open and honest thing to do, but a healing one as well.
As it is with most mornings I wait to see what we will write. This morning I am being coaxed into writing about my feelings - feelings I have yet to share here even though they may have obviously been already implied. This is to be shared for the benefit of other twin flames and also for one very special person whom I am seldom permitted to talk about here much anymore. She's been through a great deal and now as I write this I do it with her in my heart. I would never share this if it wasn't being told to me that it was so important that you know. So Paris, this is about your father and I:
It started from as far back as I remember. Even as a child I felt I had a "secret friend". One that I would talk to in my mind and that somehow I knew was involved with music. I loved music too and that's how I knew. Somehow no matter what I did with music, I knew I couldn't hold a candle to whoever this secret friend was.
As the years went on I was given clues. I'd hear his voice on the TV, then I'd hear a song with this familiar voice. I'd go out of my way to find out who it was only to be confused more because I didn't recognize the face. After years of conversation, when I finally asked your dad who it was he said I wouldn't believe him. I thought he was going to tell me he was Jesus or something huge, but the huge part was "Michael Jackson". He was right I didn't believe him and I asked him to meet me to "prove" it. As your cousins may have told you, we met many times for him to "prove" it to me, but I had a hard time still believing. When I finally did I was told not to approach him and from then on something seemed to always be keeping us a part physically. I say it was karma, because it felt like it was inside of me. Something I had to finish.
Yet all during that time, even since we were very young, I had no question in my mind that we would be together. I was that certain. It wasn't "Michael Jackson" and I that would be together, but Michael Jackson my friend and I that would be together.
We talked many times about having children, getting married, how it would be really cool to have a child from each race and nationality. We laughed a lot. Your dad and I would talk almost every night and morning, and I had to get up from my bed many times because I was laughing so hard I didn't want to wake up anyone else. It felt like we were great friends. We shared so many wonderful things. Not public ones, but things about how you and your brothers were doing, things about the family, things we might have been experiencing at the time. He was always very good at expressing himself. Claiming he loved me, that he wanted to get married, but I could never see it when we would come face to face and somehow weren't allowed to "be" together. Sometimes I think at the time even when I went to meet him before him and Lisa got married, I don't think I could have handled being in the public eye. Sometimes I think it just wasn't supposed to be that way.
He's telling me to tell you how I needed him, how he needed me. We needed each other to make it through some very dark times. I doubted your father sometimes, but when you connect as we did you always have this way of "knowing" when you're wrong. There is something I like to call an embrace of the soul, that when the two of you are in sync you can just "be" there and it's like being wrapped in love and you are suspended in time. That was something we liked to do most every night. The feeling was in wholeness and it was the "thing" we could go to that let us know we weren't alone.
He'd often recite what I thought was poetry. Sometimes the "poems" would end up on his next album and sometimes he would ask what I wanted to hear. I loved your father immensely when he lived. I wanted desperately at times to be with him. I just didn't know how. Just before he died we talked about getting a house in Vegas. He wanted to know how I felt and I told him my children were most likely better here. I don't care for Vegas, but it was a place he could have steady work and a place where we could have a family home all together. We talked about dating, because I didn't know him physically and wanted to see what it would be like before we committed to anything. What if he picked his nose or something? lol
Anyway, after he died I thought it was over. All that time had passed, all the meetings, all the sentiments, everything I thought was for nothing. The first few times I saw him in spirit, I sent him on. I felt I was holding him here, that maybe he felt he owed me something, but I wanted him to go on to be happy. He wanted the same for me. To be happy. That seems to be all he was and is concerned about is my happiness. Even when he lived and we couldn't be together we made a pact. I wanted him to be happy, I didn't want him to be alone, but I didn't want to see him in public with other women either. I was married, but I wasn't on the TV for him to see all the time. He was and although I truly wanted him not to be alone and to be happy, seeing it wasn't easy. When we were to meet at Disney World before he married Lisa Marie Presley, there was marriage on my mind. Deep down I knew, but when we came face to face, when he followed me around it never dawned on me that who I was looking at was him. When I got home and found out the truth, I was devastated. The presses kept quiet without confirmation of the marriage for quite a while as I repeatedly asked your father whether or not he loved her. He had gone there to meet me.
Needless to say that marriage didn't sit well with me. I was relieved to see that they wore black during the ceremony and for the next year we tried meeting at least a dozen more times with me still trying to get it through my head that this was all real.
Getting back to terms with his death, I never thought we would be in these shoes. That this relationship would somehow grow even though he has passed. Somehow we have been blessed with this second chance and I have allowed myself to finally get to know your father even better.
In all the years that I imagined what it might be like, he, your dad, is so much better. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to send this man away. He stays, saying no, he's staying to help me. He's said he'd fix me up with men, warned me about men, told me who was "my type" and who isn't and all at the same time he's gone shopping with me, given financial advice and even instigated a squirt gun fight here and there. He impresses my children to tell me they love me and when I'm down he says the same words to me. He had always said he would be more than I could ever imagine and he was right, he is.
I know you know all of these things about your dad already, but he says you need to hear from me that I think he is the most marvelous man and father that I truly have ever known. I've never in my life had someone treat me the way your father does. He gives and gives, never taking. I have asked so many times what I can do for him and he always replies it's only to love him back. He has protected me, guided me, and loved me beyond measure. I could never be in the place I am today without him. Never. I have never been so immensely in love with anyone like I am with your father. I loved him when he lived, but nothing like I do now. Never knowing even that the love we shared could go even deeper. He is amazing.
Last night it was your birthday. I expected not to hear from him, but when I went to bed I did. Many years ago your father was torn up. He was very concerned because you were very down and told him that you really wanted a mother. There were very few times that I heard him this upset. I felt horrible at the time. I wanted so much to be there and couldn't. We talked about him telling you that you had him and many other calming and healing statements, but he said he had tried them all and it didn't help. I know you've had a hole and an ache for a mother. I know you have craved the nurturing we all deserve and a woman figure in your life. I know Debbie Rowe and your grandma are there for you now, but last night changed my mind about some things, because I didn't know you told your father you wanted him to get married so you could have a mother.
Last night your father actually got down on his knee and formally proposed marriage to me. He wanted me to let you know. It was your birthday and I was so confused why he would do such a thing on your day. That's when he explained it to me that it was what you wanted most; for him to get married so you could have a mother, so here it is. I had to write it, because Paris if it makes you happy, if you needed to know all these things, I just have to say them. It's in my heart and is in his, and no matter what anyone else thinks, says or does it doesn't change what is or what was. You are still forefront in his life even though he has passed. If this was the confirmation you needed, I believe you just got it. He wants you to be happy.
As it is with most mornings I wait to see what we will write. This morning I am being coaxed into writing about my feelings - feelings I have yet to share here even though they may have obviously been already implied. This is to be shared for the benefit of other twin flames and also for one very special person whom I am seldom permitted to talk about here much anymore. She's been through a great deal and now as I write this I do it with her in my heart. I would never share this if it wasn't being told to me that it was so important that you know. So Paris, this is about your father and I:
It started from as far back as I remember. Even as a child I felt I had a "secret friend". One that I would talk to in my mind and that somehow I knew was involved with music. I loved music too and that's how I knew. Somehow no matter what I did with music, I knew I couldn't hold a candle to whoever this secret friend was.
As the years went on I was given clues. I'd hear his voice on the TV, then I'd hear a song with this familiar voice. I'd go out of my way to find out who it was only to be confused more because I didn't recognize the face. After years of conversation, when I finally asked your dad who it was he said I wouldn't believe him. I thought he was going to tell me he was Jesus or something huge, but the huge part was "Michael Jackson". He was right I didn't believe him and I asked him to meet me to "prove" it. As your cousins may have told you, we met many times for him to "prove" it to me, but I had a hard time still believing. When I finally did I was told not to approach him and from then on something seemed to always be keeping us a part physically. I say it was karma, because it felt like it was inside of me. Something I had to finish.
Yet all during that time, even since we were very young, I had no question in my mind that we would be together. I was that certain. It wasn't "Michael Jackson" and I that would be together, but Michael Jackson my friend and I that would be together.
We talked many times about having children, getting married, how it would be really cool to have a child from each race and nationality. We laughed a lot. Your dad and I would talk almost every night and morning, and I had to get up from my bed many times because I was laughing so hard I didn't want to wake up anyone else. It felt like we were great friends. We shared so many wonderful things. Not public ones, but things about how you and your brothers were doing, things about the family, things we might have been experiencing at the time. He was always very good at expressing himself. Claiming he loved me, that he wanted to get married, but I could never see it when we would come face to face and somehow weren't allowed to "be" together. Sometimes I think at the time even when I went to meet him before him and Lisa got married, I don't think I could have handled being in the public eye. Sometimes I think it just wasn't supposed to be that way.
He's telling me to tell you how I needed him, how he needed me. We needed each other to make it through some very dark times. I doubted your father sometimes, but when you connect as we did you always have this way of "knowing" when you're wrong. There is something I like to call an embrace of the soul, that when the two of you are in sync you can just "be" there and it's like being wrapped in love and you are suspended in time. That was something we liked to do most every night. The feeling was in wholeness and it was the "thing" we could go to that let us know we weren't alone.
He'd often recite what I thought was poetry. Sometimes the "poems" would end up on his next album and sometimes he would ask what I wanted to hear. I loved your father immensely when he lived. I wanted desperately at times to be with him. I just didn't know how. Just before he died we talked about getting a house in Vegas. He wanted to know how I felt and I told him my children were most likely better here. I don't care for Vegas, but it was a place he could have steady work and a place where we could have a family home all together. We talked about dating, because I didn't know him physically and wanted to see what it would be like before we committed to anything. What if he picked his nose or something? lol
Anyway, after he died I thought it was over. All that time had passed, all the meetings, all the sentiments, everything I thought was for nothing. The first few times I saw him in spirit, I sent him on. I felt I was holding him here, that maybe he felt he owed me something, but I wanted him to go on to be happy. He wanted the same for me. To be happy. That seems to be all he was and is concerned about is my happiness. Even when he lived and we couldn't be together we made a pact. I wanted him to be happy, I didn't want him to be alone, but I didn't want to see him in public with other women either. I was married, but I wasn't on the TV for him to see all the time. He was and although I truly wanted him not to be alone and to be happy, seeing it wasn't easy. When we were to meet at Disney World before he married Lisa Marie Presley, there was marriage on my mind. Deep down I knew, but when we came face to face, when he followed me around it never dawned on me that who I was looking at was him. When I got home and found out the truth, I was devastated. The presses kept quiet without confirmation of the marriage for quite a while as I repeatedly asked your father whether or not he loved her. He had gone there to meet me.
Needless to say that marriage didn't sit well with me. I was relieved to see that they wore black during the ceremony and for the next year we tried meeting at least a dozen more times with me still trying to get it through my head that this was all real.
Getting back to terms with his death, I never thought we would be in these shoes. That this relationship would somehow grow even though he has passed. Somehow we have been blessed with this second chance and I have allowed myself to finally get to know your father even better.
In all the years that I imagined what it might be like, he, your dad, is so much better. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to send this man away. He stays, saying no, he's staying to help me. He's said he'd fix me up with men, warned me about men, told me who was "my type" and who isn't and all at the same time he's gone shopping with me, given financial advice and even instigated a squirt gun fight here and there. He impresses my children to tell me they love me and when I'm down he says the same words to me. He had always said he would be more than I could ever imagine and he was right, he is.
I know you know all of these things about your dad already, but he says you need to hear from me that I think he is the most marvelous man and father that I truly have ever known. I've never in my life had someone treat me the way your father does. He gives and gives, never taking. I have asked so many times what I can do for him and he always replies it's only to love him back. He has protected me, guided me, and loved me beyond measure. I could never be in the place I am today without him. Never. I have never been so immensely in love with anyone like I am with your father. I loved him when he lived, but nothing like I do now. Never knowing even that the love we shared could go even deeper. He is amazing.
Last night it was your birthday. I expected not to hear from him, but when I went to bed I did. Many years ago your father was torn up. He was very concerned because you were very down and told him that you really wanted a mother. There were very few times that I heard him this upset. I felt horrible at the time. I wanted so much to be there and couldn't. We talked about him telling you that you had him and many other calming and healing statements, but he said he had tried them all and it didn't help. I know you've had a hole and an ache for a mother. I know you have craved the nurturing we all deserve and a woman figure in your life. I know Debbie Rowe and your grandma are there for you now, but last night changed my mind about some things, because I didn't know you told your father you wanted him to get married so you could have a mother.
Last night your father actually got down on his knee and formally proposed marriage to me. He wanted me to let you know. It was your birthday and I was so confused why he would do such a thing on your day. That's when he explained it to me that it was what you wanted most; for him to get married so you could have a mother, so here it is. I had to write it, because Paris if it makes you happy, if you needed to know all these things, I just have to say them. It's in my heart and is in his, and no matter what anyone else thinks, says or does it doesn't change what is or what was. You are still forefront in his life even though he has passed. If this was the confirmation you needed, I believe you just got it. He wants you to be happy.
3 comments:
Paris's soul is already with Michael in spirit. Michael expressed himself as Michael Jackson on Earth, his persona, but he is so much more. You Debbie (the personality you are playing in this life) is a expression of your Higher Self. A higher self has many expressions, and your Higher self could have many bodies on Earth or other places. The expression on Earth is Paris, the personality, not her soul. I can feel that your whole life has been about Michael Jackson (because of the Soul Twin thing and your connection to his soul that way) As I've said before many are connected to his soul, maybe part of the Higher Self etc (including you) and your special relationship with him etc. Michael is around many many many, Me also. About a year or two after MJ died, he seemed to be around me a lot and even seemed jealous when I was emailing this close friend of mine a lot and I remember him saying to me cheekily "Stop emailing _____ (my friend) It seemed he was a bit jealous. I thought very funny. He has also said the marriage thing to me also, plus other stuff. Anyway, Michael is not just Michael, his soul is so much more than his Michael Jackson personality. I so wish you all the love and luck XOX
Some truths! Debbie Rowe gave Michael a gift when she gave birth to Prince and Paris. She gave him the gift of becoming a Father, something he desperately wanted.
Another truth: There was real deep love with LMP and MJ. LMP was touring Australia recently and had this to say about their relationship.
With MJ [Michael Jackson], unfortunately, too much happened, too much got between us. There was a very deep strong love there; intense. But people got in the way, on my end and his end. We had so many people telling us what to do and intercepting and speaking on behalf of the other. Had it been just he and I, towards the end, I don't think we would have divorced. -
http://www.elvis.com.au/presley/what_i_know_about_men_lisa_marie_presley.shtml#sthash.bZwudGet.dpuf
Also you really need to read Frank Cascio Book about Michael Jackson. He was one of MJ's closest closet friends. It's the only book that knows all the true real stories.
I spoke to Michael (through Sananda) recently and asked Michael some questions, regarding his death and about why you strongly believe he was murdered…….
In my humanity, I was very hurt, very confused, very lonely and I had many (what you would call) personality disorders that were being controlled by my Doctor, but at the same time I think I relied on them a little too much. In one way you could say I murdered myself. One thing that amazes me now that I am on this side of the veil, this side of the world, this side of consciousness, is how many lay claim to know all about me, and yet I choose very seldom to actually talk to people of the EARTH way. Let me say this…, I was not murdered by anyone but my own design.
I then tell Michael I came into contact with a lady called Debbie who is connected to him on a Soul level and she strongly believes you were Murdered. He replies… That is because she has allowed herself to be in love with the Michael Jackson on Planet, the persona that I portrayed. She became so emotionally involved with that persona that when I died there was nothing for her to focus on, I was her life and so now that I am not there, she must have something else to focus on. I have drawn close to this one, known to you as Debbie in the humanity, but in the energy she is known as another name, or another signature shall we say. I have tried to communicate with her that I am much happier. So whether or not I was disposed of by outside means, whether I was willingly submitted to suicide or whatever. But what I say, is I would not have willingly left my young children but I willingly made a choice to leave. Do you understand? I am forever near my children and I was greatly and very very grieved that they have been subjected to so much afflixion from the media for I do not wish this but these things have little influence now on me but my heart connection to those that I am connected to in energy and heart, I will forever be so.
I would like to tell humanity if you draw close to my energy in energy, we can still yet communicate.
Michael
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