**Something Special**

Many years ago, Michael was going to record a song and was looking for someone to sing a duet with him.  The song was called I Just Can't Stop Loving You.  He found that someone and her name was Siedah Garrett.  They went on to record, write, and perform many songs together.

Recently, Siedah found me.  She is working on a very special project and I'd like to share it with you and hope you might join us on the continuing journey of the Man In The Mirror:




http://www.artistshare.com/v4/projects/experience?artistID=294&projectID=393&langID=1&recordID=&salestypeID=6

The Man in the Mirror Project - The Battle of the Ego

It's been said for many years that we all have a dark side to us.  It's that angel that sits on one shoulder and the little devil sitting on the other.  How many of us have asked ourselves where this came from?  Where is this devil within us and why are they opposing forces?


The ego part of our personalities represent the devil.  It's that part of us that dims the light of our true divine nature. Arguing with our divine self and trying to take control.  It takes discipline to "catch" our little devil in action.  We must be very wary of his presence because he slips in and out of the mind pretending to be the real us.  If we are conscious of his presence, however, we can catch him in the act and return control over to our more angelic or divine natures.


What is ego?  In his book A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle defines the term ego as an "illusory sense of self"  based on one's memories and thoughts. Tolle says that when studying history "it becomes obvious that the human ego in its collective aspect as “us” against “them” is even more insane than the “me,” the individual ego, although the mechanism is the same. By far the greater part of violence that humans have inflicted on each other is not the work of criminals or the mentally deranged, but of normal, respectable citizens in the service of the collective ego. One can go so far as to say that on this planet “normal” equals insane. What is it that lies at the root of this insanity? Complete identification with thought and emotion, that is to say, ego."

His thoughts seem to resonate with the article written about the dysfunction in our society and families.  It is the perpetuated pattern of society that is inflicting the most pain and damage to ourselves and our planet.  Knowing what the ego is, is the first step in dissecting the self.  Taking a look at our personalities, where they were formed and our concepts of who we are is the first thought process in becoming aware.

Take a moment and think about who you are.  Ask yourself the following questions to help you realize what part of you is the ego:

1. Who do I think I am? Are you a product of society or a divine being?  If you answer, I am an accountant, I am a speaker, that is not the real you.  Who are you?  Ponder this.
2. What do I feel is my life purpose?  Is it to DO something or BE something?  Ego does, divine IS.
3. When I think about my relationships with others I think about  . . . Is it thoughts of love or thoughts or how you compare to them?

We spoke about being present and conscious of our feelings and our thoughts previously.  Being present with ourselves is one of the easiest ways to get the ego out of the way.

There have been many who have written books, teaching on the ego.  Eckhart Tolle has had one of the best published books on the ego and how we can over come it in his book  A New Earth.  I've recently found a pdf copy and am posting the link here for your convenience:  http://www.expandingthoughts.us/wp-content/uploads/docs/Eckhart%20Tolle%20-%20A%20New%20Earth.pdf

Knowing we are not our thoughts, not what we've been taught, and not our past frees us.  Do you realize that no matter what has happened in your life, no matter what your thoughts have been about how you were treated, how your life has been has absolutely nothing to do with the real you?  How freeing is that?!  You ARE NOT who you've been told and have told  yourself you are.  Dare to look deeper.  Dare to find the real you and you'll be astonished just how magical you are!

The Man in the Mirror Project - Misqualified Energy

Father Solanus Casey once said, "God condescends to use our powers if we don't spoil His plans by ours." 

We've had many posts about how to come back to our true nature's, our original selves through The Man in the Mirror Project.  We talked about how we as individuals CREATE just as our creator has created us.  We can create by our thoughts and our emotions.  Those are specific things that transmit energy into the world and make those creations manifest.

Currently, we are creating using God, Allah energy, but because we have so many subconscious patterns from society, our families, and even prior lifetimes we tend to "misqualify" this pure form of energy.  Being mindful of how we are feeling and questioning it, and what we are thinking and questioning that are two very crucial steps in uncovering our real identities.  It's almost as if we are undercover agents, not fully aware of who is undercover just yet!

So yesterday I got to thinking, maybe it's hard to understand how these creations come in the way of our being and our relationships.  So I thought I'd share some personal experiences to show you how this works.

I was recently contacted by a former employer.  His contact reminded me of a situation I was able to witness and reflect upon for my own learning.  We had a gentleman who was working for the company who was very loyal.  He went out of his way to do the best work possible and felt he gave everything he had.  The employer was grateful and in the beginning the relationship was wonderful.  They valued each other and shared a mutual respect.  After a while the employee felt he was being mistreated. He had owned his own company and felt he should be given more freedom and responsibility in the company.  The owner held tight to his company and didn't want to just "give" anything away even though the employee had shown he was trustworthy and on his side.  I worked in the office and as I watched the situation transpire both the employer and the employee confided in me.  The employer grew critical of the employee.  He began to mistrust him and believe that he was trying to undermine the company and take over.  The employee grew critical of the employer, believing he was not given just rewards and freedom and was now being treated like a criminal.  As both these ideas literally "blossomed" and "grew" into the minds of these men, so did their stubbornness and anger.  They both were literally CREATING their own realities based on their own THOUGHTS of each other and not the actual situation.  Soon these thoughts were so powerful, the two were obviously not communicating or open with each other at all.  Rest assured, however, their thoughts continued about each other.  Each CREATING a story about the other, that was, again, not necessarily true.
In the end, the employer had the employee escorted out by the police, firing him in the most emotional brutal way I had ever seen.

As I was privy to seeing these events transpire I was certain that neither one of them knew they were creating their own situations.  They themselves based on their ego need for control and ownership and their own personal fears of being used, allowed those energies to once again play a part in the creation of their every day lives.  Never realizing that if they only stepped back to see how they were contributing to the problem by thinking thoughts that were never true, only reflections on what they had already had within them,  they would have been able to transcend this situation and come to a mutual agreement and compromise.  The fact that this didn't happen, told me that both the employer and employee would have to go through the same kind of event until they "got it".

When my employer contacted me recently, I learned that now, after being an owner of a company himself, he is now the employee.  This is karma in action.  This is our misqualified energy and how we tend to use it.  If we are mindful, we can change it, but only if we want to.

Keeping in Line with the Planets This Week

The week ahead is a very "touchy-feely" one. Some of you will just want to sit on the couch and cuddle with your honey. Some folks will be more sensitive than usual and very intuitive. The overall theme is relationships however. If you are single, you will definitely feel you are ready and want someone special in your life. You will begin to really think about how to go about meeting someone and making time for a relationship in your busy life. Many people claim they want love but they seldom make room for it by keeping so busy with their career, etc, there is little time or room left for a partner.

If attached, you may be feeling there is not enough time to nurture your current relationship and look to do just that. You may book a vacation, get married or take the next step to make the relationship more solid.

Time will be a commodity to many of you as you begin to realize that work is important but more importantly, is making time to enjoy life. This may hit a lot of you like a ton of bricks....."I'm not enjoying life because I'm working all of the time!" So many of you, will make a conscious effort to scale back and enjoy life more. What would make you most happy ? Do you really need to work so hard....and for what? The universe will work with you to make sure you have success and prosperity to have more time for fun. But you need to trust the universe to do this.

So, you'll be making big choices about moving away from what is draining your energy and trying to replace these things with more of what brings you happiness and contentment. Does this sound right?

On a different note, be careful of people who want to create power struggles within your world. You may find yourself caught up in controlling situations or with control freaks. Step aside. Don't fight them.

Coming into the weekend, you may feel a little stressed out but by Friday night, you will feel better and less stressed. It's a great night to connect with others and feel understood on an emotional level. Very intuitive weekend. The moon in Cancer is super for connecting with Spirit on Friday night and being extra intuitive on Saturday; helping you learn to develop your intuition.

However, there is another aspect from Mars that day that creates tension from an old emotional wound or issue that you were dealing with last Fall. It may come up again and you should try to look at it from a new and spiritual perspective.

Also mercury retrograde continues until April 5th so please wait until after this to start anything new or buy electronic equipment, etc. Double check travel plans too.

Mars retrograde continues until mid April so you can use this period to decide what you'd like to really do with your career path. Manifest where you'd like to be in two years as mars in virgo will help you with details and clarity.

- Maria Shaw Lawson, Astrologer

www.MariaShaw.com

Man in the Mirror Project: Your Universal Bank Account

When is love a word that takes precedence over hatred?  Is it when you are angry with your child, or relative?  Angry at the driver who just cut you off or the woman at the grocery store who overcharged you?

Many of us may talk the talk, but when life is taking place, do we actually walk the walk?  Taking time to make a commitment to change ourselves takes effort.  Acting with love is not a simple flowery doing that is easily maintained and achieved.  Acting with love and out of love is a conscious discipline that must be acquired only by maintaining a consciousness of our actions, thought and deeds.  Consciously choosing love instead of reacting unconsciously to the issues and problems we face in our everyday lives.

This work is the work required for true freedom of our spirit and lives.  A world that we can create for ourselves individually without hate, without anger, without resentment, frees our energies up to lift our vibrations to another level.  You see?  Being conscious of this energy, either hatred or love that we resonate to in every moment of every decision, either adds to our bank account of LOVE or our bank account of anger.  When we draw back from the universe, and make a  withdrawal from our accounts which account do you wish to draw from?

Looking back at your Man in the Mirror - The Dysfunction in Families

As part of looking at our Man in the Mirror, we sometimes need to understand the emotional 

makeup that has transpired within us.  Sometimes it is from past lives, and sometimes it is from this lifetime, or even a lifetime that is repeating itself from prior lifetimes.  To recognize some patterns, it may be necessary to look at ourselves from the role in the family dynamic in which we started this time around.  Seeing ourselves clearly in this light and how we have dealt with our dealings, so to speak, help us to unravel the patterns established and see ourselves in a clearer light.   This is one of the steps we can take to gain control and understanding of our "emotional bodies", one of the four lower bodies that must come into the light for a true shift in consciousness to occur.

"Dysfunctional families are the product of an emotionally dishonest, shame based, patriarchal society based upon beliefs that do not support Loving self or Loving neighbor." 

                                                                                         - Robert Burney

"The point that I am making is that our understanding of Codependence has evolved to realizing that this is not just about some dysfunctional families, our very role models, our prototypes, are dysfunctional.
Our traditional cultural concepts of what a man is, of what a woman is, are twisted, distorted, almost comically bloated stereotypes of what masculine and feminine really are. . . . . . .
When the role model of what a man is does not allow a man to cry or express fear; when the role model for what a woman is does not allow a woman to be angry or aggressive - that is emotional dishonesty. When the standards of a society deny the full range of the emotional spectrum and label certain emotions as negative - that is not only emotionally dishonest, it creates emotional disease.
If a culture is based on emotional dishonesty, with role models that are dishonest emotionally, then that culture is also emotionally dysfunctional, because the people of that society are set up to be emotionally dishonest and dysfunctional in getting their emotional needs met.
What we traditionally have called normal parenting in this society is abusive because it is emotionally dishonest. Children learn who they are as emotional beings from the role modeling of their parents. "Do as I say - not as I do," does not work with children. Emotionally dishonest parents cannot be emotionally healthy role models, and cannot provide healthy parenting.
Our model for what a family should be sets up abusive, emotionally dishonest dynamics."

(Quotes in this color are from Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney)

---

Roles In Dysfunctional Families - column by codependence counselor

"There are four basic roles that children adopt in order to survive growing up in emotionally dishonest, shame-based, dysfunctional family systems."

"As an adult the Family Hero is rigid, controlling, and extremely judgmental . . . . . of others and secretly of themselves. They achieve "success" on the outside and get lots of positive attention but are cut off from their inner emotional life, from their True Self."
"The scapegoat is the child that the family feels ashamed of - and the most emotionally honest child in the family. He/she acts out the tension and anger the family ignores. This child provides distraction from the real issues in the family."
"A lot of actors and writers are 'lost children' who have found a way to express emotions while hiding behind their characters."

Roles In Dysfunctional Families by Robert Burney M.A. "We have come to understand that both the passive and the aggressive behavioral defense systems are reactions to the same kinds of childhood trauma, to the same kinds of emotional wounds. The Family Systems Dynamics research shows that within the family system, children adopt certain roles according to their family dynamics. Some of these roles are more passive, some are more aggressive, because in the competition for attention and validation within a family system the children must adopt different types of behaviors in order to feel like an individual." The emotional dynamics of dysfunctional families are basic - and like emotional dynamics for all human beings are pretty predictable. The outside details may look quite different due to a variety of factors, but the dynamics of the human emotional process are the same for all human beings everywhere. The basic roles which I list below apply to American culture specifically, and Western Civilization generally - but with a few changes in details could be made to fit most any culture. There are four basic roles that children adopt in order to survive growing up in emotionally dishonest, shame-based, dysfunctional family systems. Some children maintain one role into adulthood while others switch from one role to another as the family dynamic changes (i.e. when the oldest leaves home, etc.) An only child may play all of the roles at one time or another. "Responsible Child" - "Family Hero" This is the child who is "9 going on 40." This child takes over the parent role at a very young age, becoming very responsible and self-sufficient. They give the family self-worth because they look good on the outside. They are the good students, the sports stars, the prom queens. The parents look to this child to prove that they are good parents and good people. As an adult the Family Hero is rigid, controlling, and extremely judgmental (although perhaps very subtle about it) - of others and secretly of themselves. They achieve "success" on the outside and get lots of positive attention but are cut off from their inner emotional life, from their True Self. They are compulsive and driven as adults because deep inside they feel inadequate and insecure. The family hero, because of their "success" in conforming to dysfunctional cultural definitions of what constitutes doing life "right", is often the child in the family who as an adult has the hardest time even admitting that there is anything within themselves that needs to be healed. "Acting out child" - "Scapegoat" This is the child that the family feels ashamed of - and the most emotionally honest child in the family. He/she acts out the tension and anger the family ignores. This child provides distraction from the real issues in the family. The scapegoat usually has trouble in school because they get attention the only way they know how - which is negatively. They often become pregnant or addicted as teenagers. These children are usually the most sensitive and caring which is why they feel such tremendous hurt. They are romantics who become very cynical and distrustful. They have a lot of self-hatred and can be very self-destructive. This often results in this child becoming the first person in the family to get into some kind of recovery. "Placater" - "Mascot" - "Caretaker" This child takes responsibility for the emotional well-being of the family. They become the families 'social director' and/or clown, diverting the family's attention from the pain and anger. This child becomes an adult who is valued for their kind heart, generosity, and ability to listen to others. Their whole self-definition is centered on others and they don't know how to get their own needs met. They become adults who cannot receive love, only give it. They often have case loads rather than friendships - and get involved in abusive relationships in an attempt to "save" the other person. They go into the helping professions and become nurses, and social workers, and therapists. They have very low self-worth and feel a lot of guilt that they work very hard to overcome by being really "nice" (i.e. people pleasing, classically codependent) people. "Adjuster" - "Lost Child" This child escapes by attempting to be invisible. They daydream, fantasize, read a lot of books or watch a lot of TV. They deal with reality by withdrawing from it. They deny that they have any feelings and "don't bother getting upset." These children grow up to be adults who find themselves unable to feel and suffer very low self-esteem. They are terrified of intimacy and often have relationship phobia. They are very withdrawn and shy and become socially isolated because that is the only way they know to be safe from being hurt. A lot of actors and writers are 'lost children' who have found a way to express emotions while hiding behind their characters. It is important to note that we adapt the roles that are best suited to our personalities. We are, of course, born with a certain personality. What happens with the roles we adapt in our family dynamic is that we get a twisted, distorted view of who we are as a result of our personality melding with the roles. This is dysfunctional because it causes us to not be able to see ourselves clearly. As long as we are still reacting to our childhood wounding and old tapes then we cannot get in touch clearly with who we really are. The false self that we develop to survive is never totally false - there is always some Truth in it. For example, people who go into the helping professions do truly care and are not doing what they do simply out of Codependence. Nothing is black and white - everything in life involves various shades of gray. Recovery is about getting honest with ourselves and finding some balance in our life. Recovery is about seeing ourselves more clearly and honestly so that we can start being True to who we really are instead of to who our parents wanted us to be. (Reacting to the other extreme by rebelling against who they wanted us to be is still living life in reaction to our childhoods. It is still giving power over how we live our life to the past instead of seeing clearly so that we can own our choices today.) The clearer we can see our self the easier it becomes to find some balance in our life - to find some happiness, fulfillment, and serenity.

Ten Ways to Find Your Magical Child

1. Sprout wings! Imagine you have angel wings upon your back.  Perhaps even enlist yourself in the angelic secret service.  Every where you go act like an angel; undercover of course.  Open a door for someone, smile at a child, do random acts of kindness and don't tell anyone . . shhh!  
2. Let yourself come alive.  Breathe!  So many of us are such shallow breathers.  We need to let ourselves breathe in the breath of life in order to experience it fully.  Full inhales, full exhales, not only oxygenate our bodies but release tensions, and yes, even purify our souls! It all works together - remember your built in inner yoga ;)  

3. Comb out the thoughts of who you think you are and replace them with thoughts that you are an all powerful divine being, created by a perfect source with whom you have access to at all times.
4. Listen to your feelings and like a child, question every feeling with "why do I feel this way?" without judgement, without worry.  Then ask yourself "Is it true?" and "do I still need or want to feel this way?"
5. Sit outside and commune with nature.  Look at the trees as the wind blows.  Notice the beauty of perfection in all the things that nature has created.  Let it remind you that it was created all on its own in perfection.  No part of a tree or a flower has been created because of something man did.   Reflect this upon yourself and how you were created.  Marvel at it.
6. Allow yourself to be a child again.  Do something that lets you "play".  Skip, sing, draw, color, something that will just allow you to "be".
7. Laugh.  Find something to laugh at; yourself, a joke, a funny movie.  Laughing allows the emotions to lift from suppression to joy.
8. Don't take yourself so seriously.  Our ego's tell us we need to figure out things, do things.  Let yourself just be and don't make judgments about what you "should" be doing, or where you "should" be or even "how" you should be.
9. Let life flow through you.  Too many of us try and stop something from happening because maybe we find that we don't like it.  Notice how your body feels when something happens that you don't like.  Even physically, we can feel our bodies tighten and tense.  We are trying to fight the force of nature.  Take your body tensing as a cue, breathing in deep and letting it go.  More than likely there is nothing you can do in the specific moment to change the situation - more than likely it's already happened.  
10. Smile at life.  Enjoy life while it's here.  How many times have you heard people who have been near death come back and say how precious they feel their life is and start to enjoy it more.  Life is a gift.  Treat it like one.  You are a gift.  Treat yourself like one.  Everyone you see is a gift - even the nasty, crabby people.  Let everyone and everything you see be a gift . . . remember, it's about how you view your world that matters most.