The Man in the Mirror Project - The Illusion of Love

If you asked ten different people what their definition of love was you would most likely get ten different answers.  In relation to a soul mate or a twin soul, most answers would sound something like this: "Somebody that makes me feel complete."  "Somebody that loves me unconditionally."  "Somebody who cares for my every need."  The common denominator in all of these statements is "me".  When most people talk about love, they are really talking about getting their emotional needs and desires met by another person.  Is this really what love is?

What happens when we do find this kind of love?  Most often we get jealous if another person pays attention to them.  We expect them to behave a certain way and begin building the relationship (in our minds) on own needs and wants.  "Love" then becomes something that is possessive, restricting and demanding.  We now want to "own" what we love, but do we now love what we own?

When we lose that "love" we say that "love hurts".  Why does it hurt?  Because what we have lost is the supplier of our emotional needs and wants; everything that that person supplied to us.  Rarely is the other person even in the picture at this point.  For the focus when "love hurts" is always on the self and what "I" lost, what "I" wanted, and how "I" feel.  This is more properly termed "emotional dependency", not love.

Most often love is controlling.  The force of this love or "emotional dependency" can be so strong that people often find themselves staying in abusive relationships and call it love.  The man who beats his wife claims he loves her, the woman who stalks an ex-boyfriend calls it love.  This is all too characteristic of someone calling "control" and "emotional dependency" love.

In other areas of our life we "bargain" for love.  When a loved one dies, we again feel the pain of our loss.  We begin to "bargain" with God.  Sometimes we feel guilty and try to make "deals" with God or at other times we believe God will condemn us because we have not done the "right" thing. For even when it comes to God we make his love "conditional" on doing the right thing and if you don't - you better get to a priest quick and say five Hail Marys!  lol

What kind of God would give us freedom of choice then demand that we only make His choices?  Most religions have made God what "they" need him to be based on "their" needs and "their" need to, can I say it again? . . control.  And so here we are once again, extending what we do on an individual level into society, systems and our world itself.

In essence what mankind currently calls "love" is nothing more than smoke and mirrors that cover up our own confusion and egocentric needs, fears and wants.

Real love, spiritual love is pure and powerful.  For this is the real love that started our very creation.

Love

A Poem by Michael Jackson from Dancing the Dream

Love is a funny thing to describe. It's so easy to feel and yet so slippery to talk about. It's like a bar of soap in the bathtub, you have it in your hand until you hold on too tight.

Some people spend their lives looking for love outside themselves. They think they have to grasp it in order to have it. But loves slips away like that wet bar of soap.

Holding on to love is not wrong, but you need to learn to hold it lightly, caressingly. Let it fly when it wants. When it's allowed to be free, love is what makes life alive, joyful, and new. It's the juice and energy that motivates my music, my dancing, everything. As long as love is in my heart, it's everywhere.