Man in the Mirror Project - Are You Lonely this Holiday?

The Man in the Mirror Project has moved to it's own page.  The posts will be daily M-F and from various people in various industries, all focused on healing ourselves in order to heal the world.  We welcome contributions from you as well.

You can access the project easily from this blog by clicking the logo on the right.

Todays PROJECT is about loneliness and if you have ever felt this way you might want to take a peak and see perhaps why.  It helps us to know why we feel the way we do in order to heal it.  During the holidays, especially, it is difficult for many of us to just "get through them".  So from my house to yours, know that you are not alone, there are divine beings among you; that you are loved by many; even though they may not show up at your doorstep; and that your song in the world matters; because God gave that song to you and only you to be sung out in your voice and in your voice alone.

Here is a copy of today's post.  You can visit the site direct here:  http://maninthemirrorproject.webs.com/todays-project

We all know the heartache and disappointment created when a lover finds someone new to love.  How many times have you heard someone say, "Love Hurts"? Some of our greatest literature stems from this pain, but is this really love?  The real subject is the emotional traumas of loss, desire, needs and wants.  Everything is focused on what I want, what I miss and need, how I feel.  When the other person is mentioned, it is only in relationship to how happy or how unhappy this person makes me.  This is about emotional dependency, the suffering and loss of an individual ego.  What kind of love is this?

Love is often another word for control.  The people we love must behave in a certain way or we won't love them anymore.  We use guilt, we withhold affection, and we even bargain for love exchanging favors.  The force of emotional dependency can be so strong that many may stay in destructive and abusive relationships and still call it love.  The man who beats his wife claims he loves her, but the truth is horrendously different.  This is evident in the response given by O J Simpson to a question about the accusation that he killed his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson:  "Even if I did do this, it would have to have been because I loved her very much, right?"  Though he was later acquitted of the crime in a very controversial decision, this attitude is tragically characteristic of men who abuse their wives and lovers.

In our ignorance we even make God's love conditional.  If we don't "do the right thing" have the right beliefs, repent in time, then that same loving God is going to condemn us to eternal damnation.  Again, we have to ask, what kind of love is this?  What kind of loving God gives freedom of choice and then demands you make the right choice; or else!  Religions that trade on fear, guilt and punishment are destructive to the human mind, make a mockery of God and have little to do with love.

What we call love is often nothing more than smoke and mirrors, reflecting our own confusion and egocentric needs, fears and wants.  We can be stuck in emotional habits of our relationships.  Confusing our dependency and need for attention we often only mislead ourselves.  As long as we maintain our illusion about love, we continue to set the stage for unhappiness, despair and loneliness.  

This season think about what real love might be in the sense of giving to others what you yourself would like to receive.  Not expecting anything back but just for the sheer joy of giving of yourself because you can.  Here is where true love begins and where loneliness and despair disappear.

** Excerpt from "From Loneliness to Love" by Phil Nuernberger, PH.D.