"Don't try and compare yourself with other people. Their thoughts and wishes are their own, not yours. Your thoughts, your wishes are those that come from deep inside of you, not those placed upon you. You must realize that there is a difference."- Michael Jackson
Yesterday's post really took me by surprise. It was deep, you know? Sometimes I wonder how did he know that? These patterns he is speaking about are real. In yoga they say there are actually lines of energy and the chakras (the energy centers) are the ones that get clogged by "stored " energy.
So after we posted I went to try to do my own work, you know follow along. I couldn't think of a really good thing. I thought, well maybe the post wasn't clear enough. I need to know what to do too. If I don't then how are other people supposed to know? Then this morning as I was getting ready for my day I noticed a feeling coming over me. The feeling was a sense of urgency and so I stopped myself (as per the instructions) to find out why I was feeling so rushed. Getting in touch with the feeling this is what transpired. I asked myself the three questions:
1. How does it make me feel? It makes me feel uneasy. Rushed, as if I shouldn't be taking so much time.
2. What benefit does it serve in my life? I could find none.
3. What is it that I notice about myself when I experience these feelings? Looking deeper with in myself I ask why. When I do, I remember my father used to remark about how long it took for me to get ready in the morning. I have been on vacation with other girl friends that take much longer than I, but I still carry with me the feeling that I take "too long" in the bathroom. The feeling is that I don't "deserve to spend time on myself" . .the subconscious feeling is that I am not worth spending time on.
That is the over all message I received from my father. He never said "you are not worth spending time on", he portrayed it subconsciously by saying I took too long in the bathroom. That there wasn't a reason that he should go to lunch or spend any time with me. When I needed him to be there, I was told I was old enough to handle my own affairs; simply I wasn't worth the time.
So this is how it works. I wanted to share it with you because in some ways this can be your example. In the coming days that feeling that maybe you were not readily able to connect with may come to you by surprise. When it does, stop yourself and dig deeper. Just observe, without worry of labeling, condemning or judgement. Remember, this isn't about "other people", this is about you and YOUR feelings, patterns inside YOU. Whether or not someone else thinks they are valid or not, doesn't matter. They live within you and it is you that must do the work to clear them.
Until tomorrow . . .
I also found the exercise very enlightening! After reading the post, printing it off and following the instructions, what first came to me was the fact that it was late - again - and I was still up. I so easily fall into staying up late, getting up late, eating late, and doing everything later than 'normal'.
ReplyDeleteHow does it make me feel?
(Taken from the notes I wrote) "Guilty. Bad, like I'm not achieving, not efficient, not in tune with nature. Out of the loop of three meals a day. Out of the cycle of 9 - 5 that the country works on. Out of it, different, but wrong in that difference. Should be up early, starting work early, eating lunch early, working in the afternoon, finishing early, dinner early, and bed early".
What benefit does it serve in my life?
"Well, none actually - it just makes my whole day / life - wrong!"
What do I notice about myself when I feel these feelings?
"Tension, clock watching and planning, excess thinking, beating myself up, comparing myself to other people".
I was bought up with a very powerful 'work' ethic. You get your work done, it's all about work, and work isn't particularly enjoyable.
Being creative, I love it when I've got a good project / job on the go, and am much better at painting at night when it's quiet, it just works for me, but that work ethic is always nagging because I'm actually enjoying what I'm doing - not working - even though I am, and I actually 'work' very hard!
This pattern has gone on for years with me, so it's been lovely to pick it apart and see where it's coming from!
It's now 1.32am, and I'm still up, still 'working', but enjoying it!
Can't wait for the next part of the Man in the Mirror work - it's brilliant.
Thankyou! xxx